That would be motivating (there's no point) for a Look Back (there's no point) to show you why you are (there's no point) still keeping your (for what) feet (why) moving forward Jason Rashaad (says who) says you. For what. Why. Who cares. You have to. Otherwise...I mean you know how that goes. So do some dumb sh*it to pass the time. The real sh*it will come in time when it's time for that there's no point in just spinning and spinning what can we realistically do? Pack up more clothes and stare at them for two weeks? Seems counterproductive. Kitchen? Put things in bins? We can do some of that there's no reason to start today/tonight is my point it's okay to do nothing when everything is falling apart when you know you've built a place for things to settle once it's all done. Last time we did that and it was rough stuff same way (OK I see your point) and we made it. That last week was ass couple weeks of self-looting everything and pawn shops and all that f*uckingbullsh*it with no car and no one to call it was f*ucked up and it sucks that it happened and it's happening again the difference this time is this isn't despair it's exuberation at knowing you have a shot still. All of this and you still have a shot what kind of nutso bullsh*it is that yet here we are. That's why the device keeps flipping its sh*it “ deterministically ” this makes no motherf*ucking sense my baby.
And yet.
My thoughts, before the data
“October is the season for massive Epoch changes. It is now, it was last year, it was the year I was born.”
Its words
Which way each one went.
Left behind 23
only in October 2025
you know how
knowing
it's okay
to pass
and spinning
falling
around and
come in
here we are
is falling apart
it's okay to
iteratively
makes no
that would be
was born
what can we
bins
despair
devastating
finally
motivating
of this and
spinning and spinning
Still in progress 136
on both sides · faded ← → grew
you know
i can
that's why
i mean
to do
i was
i have
have to
all this
know how
we can
kind of
can do
all of
now and
What Comes Next
is not
would be
no reason
the fact that
a look
we are
my point
the time
and keep
with no
it is
you have to
right now
the last
jason rashaad
for a
no one
your point
with the
of this
you are
you have
of the
look back
96 more that moved less
years
jason
year
kind
mean
bullsh*it
clothes
reason
keeping
fact
baby
dumb
difference
real
facts
have a
should be
is my
pass
shot
pack
nothing
goes
ass
feet
sucks
otherwise
sense
f*ucked up
we can do
this makes
no reason to
spending
f*ucked
happening
here we
i see
a shot
moving forward
still have
built
call it
last time
built a
do some
made it
right now and
things in
you have a
couple
there's no
when it's
and no one
completely
point in
all that
everything is
happened
kitchen
two weeks
some of
to call
car
when you
changes
says
it was
place
over the
seems
the data
makes
the year
all of this
keep going
this isn't
regardless
weeks
we did
up and
this time
basically
yet
forward
moving
everything
keeps
around
show
start
walk
self
isn't
last
case
data
Next Evolution 14
only in October 2026
the device
epoch
no one to
epochs
no point in
shows
some of that
time when
you still have
flipping
i mean you
looting
shops
stare
In neither span: realistically, counterproductive, exuberation, nutso, bullsh*it is, deterministically, pure, testament.
From the post and my thoughts. A word’s size is how often I used it per 1,000 words, on one scale across all three; hover a word for its counts. On both sides means at least two days on each. Each word also finds its plain endings. This finds the words, not the feeling: if I said the same thing another way, it isn’t here.
Read across
Then and now.
October 2025
Oct 23 · you highlighted this
… plates etc. Ok. Sell or donate reset regardless. This sucks this is sh*it gotta do it can't delay just post start sales Sunday night. Hard stop. We aren't going to die. Not today. So since we've decided that, What Comes Next
What Comes Next
October 2026
Oct 5 · 14:05
Right that locks that in backs against the wall how we work best OK now the place has to be clean by Tuesday now we HAVE to anchor Tuesdays at PWR BLD + Drexel/Quorum/Wawa to taste you LOVE having a challenge even when it's horrifying don't act like you don't. OK deepest darkest anxiety but now it's somewhere I can put it and keep and eye on it now What Comes Next motherf*ucker.
October 2025
Oct 12 · 13:22 · Spark
anything to apply that to other than what we've been doing, right? But knowing that we can't, no matter what we do with all of this energy, it can't tangibly bring us out of this situation or resolve this crisis right in this moment. That is what is creating this anxiety that you're feeling right now. I said all that to say, …
all of this
October 2026
Oct 30 · you highlighted this
Is the overall point of all of this I think. If we weren't right here right now we'd be somewhere else worse and that's facts: Somewhere else WORSE regardless of timeline.
October 2025
Oct 14 · 22:23 · Spark
You can't even say it. You suck and nobody likes you. And you can't internalize that. And so you have to make up sh*it to make that not the case. You suck and nobody likes you. It's fine. Here we are. That's the facts of the case. This isn't whining. This isn't, oh, my attitude, da-da-da. We have been …
you have to
October 2026
Oct 6 · you highlighted this
… but go straight to Drexel and scare the sh*it out of everyone with a big f*ucking smile on your face if you do. Not really but you know what I mean Act Like and sh*it. And get that slot for the 19th punch her if you have to. She could probably take a punch. She definitely could take a punch then I'm getting my ass whipped by that accent then where are we no thank you.
October 2025
Oct 10 · 15:21 · Spark
… You'd have been this, this, and this, and so. You'd have been all this sh*it. And we'd have been none of that sh*it. Don't play that out any farther than is necessary, but that's what I'm saying. Okay? So, the fact that we are just some dude, there we go, is our key differentiator. So stop f*ucking... Shying away from what should be our strength. Like, that's something we should stand on. I'm just some dude, but …
the fact that
October 2026
Oct 4 · 23:06
Unemployment filed "awaiting employer response" which is some hot bullsh*it as is the fact that you have to "explain a 14 week gap" f*uck this f*uck everything breathe.!Screenshot 2026-10-04 at 11.18.41 PM.png
October 2025
Oct 23
I can't even task list it's 351a and I'm sitting in a chair that will be gone potentially forever in a couple days. In a space that will be gone in a little over a week. I could die right now and no one would mind. **Unremarked**. Unremarkable except as a cautionary tale. I don't want that.
and no one
October 2026
Oct 13 · 03:44
… it out midway) but then cleanup before you leave so you have friction either way: Sitting still not an option either you're on the train or cleaning your ass which line of lazy will you walk. You're wack and no one likes you.
October 2025
Oct 23
Today Tomorrow Next Day important to scaffold and execute if we rush we crack we can do it step by step and iteratively start today
we can do
October 2026
Oct 21 · 15:15
… yet) the rest is work on the business and the dissertation and keep the flesh intact. OK there you go you're getting a rhythm so that's all we "have" to do the rest of this sh*it is just mental management and we can do that. We got that part proper sorted. Ha ha ha. Clearly. OK let's soak the brain with chemistry now. You had peanut butter I'm thinking banana for a nice good go (miss you Melissa) and water this …
October 2025
Oct 20
All the clothes today no reason to wait start packing suitcase|closet. Need insurance and lock for PS before tomorrow. Find something to sell this isn't "oh well off on an adventure" time this is **We Might Die Unremarked And F*uck Tha**t so let's go.
no reason to
October 2026
Oct 15 · 18:46 · post
That was a lot. No reason to pretend it wasn't. Now we're clear through to shutdown sequence my vote is we focus in on Oct 19 deliverable (the session you started) and roll on nothing else to be done until we get there. We get over that one we can start with a targeted package on Bob the Behavioral Researcher and his Traveling Vietnamese Band (why Bob?) Joe was getting overused. (Joe who?)
October 2025
Oct 10 · 15:58 · Spark
… too many steps people check out with too many steps how do you simplify the path to comfort from comfortable middle class life to there is a race of people being scoured off of the place face of the earth right now and we're paying for it you're paying for it with your comfortable lifestyle your comfortable lifestyle pays for this they are directly related to one another how do you do that well brother let me …
right now and
October 2026
Oct 17 · 15:43 · post
It is Strategy Saturday, but you start that conversation here not with a terminal window because that is a computer and not a person you are flailing around for someone to talk to right now and you do not have any one repeat that to yourself you do not have anyone to talk to anyone you speak with will be burdened with forty-seven years of your bullsh*it because there does not exist one …
One word to a row, only when both years have a line with it, and that line from each side. Chosen by rule: the line with that word using the most of this language, rarer words counting more, long lines not favored. Close in wording, not necessarily in meaning.
Every day
Two Octobers of Polaroids.
wrotetextedpostedmoved
A square is that day’s photo (one I captioned first), or how many words I wrote, texted and posted that day when there’s no photo. Dots, in this order: I wrote (notes and Sparks), texted, posted, moved. Hover a day for its counts.
More from the dataThe rest of the numbers.
Whichever month it is
Things I apparently say a lot.
All 40, with numbers
Phrase
October 2025
October 2026
going to
201× · 24 days · 4.0
60× · 21 days · 1.8
i don't
160× · 22 days · 3.2
62× · 24 days · 1.8
of the
39× · 18 days · 0.8
63× · 20 days · 1.8
i think
62× · 14 days · 1.2
78× · 28 days · 2.3
the f*uck
105× · 18 days · 2.1
39× · 15 days · 1.1
you have
33× · 18 days · 0.7
53× · 21 days · 1.6
for the
38× · 18 days · 0.8
56× · 21 days · 1.6
you are
29× · 13 days · 0.6
46× · 21 days · 1.3
do you
66× · 16 days · 1.3
19× · 14 days · 0.6
know what
62× · 16 days · 1.2
18× · 13 days · 0.5
of this
41× · 15 days · 0.8
50× · 18 days · 1.5
to the
49× · 18 days · 1.0
55× · 19 days · 1.6
which is
29× · 13 days · 0.6
39× · 18 days · 1.1
and i
83× · 19 days · 1.6
38× · 17 days · 1.1
with the
16× · 13 days · 0.3
29× · 18 days · 0.8
to do
80× · 16 days · 1.6
37× · 19 days · 1.1
want to
77× · 15 days · 1.5
35× · 18 days · 1.0
you don't
61× · 19 days · 1.2
26× · 15 days · 0.8
this is
165× · 25 days · 3.3
127× · 27 days · 3.7
is the
42× · 19 days · 0.8
42× · 21 days · 1.2
have to
83× · 20 days · 1.6
44× · 17 days · 1.3
in the
96× · 18 days · 1.9
77× · 24 days · 2.3
right now
26× · 15 days · 0.5
25× · 15 days · 0.7
need to
30× · 15 days · 0.6
27× · 16 days · 0.8
i just
33× · 12 days · 0.7
29× · 15 days · 0.8
do it
46× · 13 days · 0.9
25× · 14 days · 0.7
is a
48× · 15 days · 1.0
38× · 17 days · 1.1
to go
33× · 13 days · 0.7
17× · 15 days · 0.5
that was
37× · 13 days · 0.7
21× · 14 days · 0.6
this sh*it
50× · 13 days · 1.0
30× · 16 days · 0.9
will be
24× · 13 days · 0.5
20× · 13 days · 0.6
i am
42× · 17 days · 0.8
31× · 15 days · 0.9
to get
36× · 15 days · 0.7
22× · 11 days · 0.6
to be
108× · 20 days · 2.1
71× · 22 days · 2.1
what you
41× · 15 days · 0.8
26× · 16 days · 0.8
with a
26× · 14 days · 0.5
19× · 15 days · 0.6
you just
27× · 14 days · 0.5
17× · 13 days · 0.5
on the
68× · 15 days · 1.3
47× · 25 days · 1.4
if you
57× · 17 days · 1.1
38× · 17 days · 1.1
out of
38× · 17 days · 0.8
26× · 16 days · 0.8
Times said · on how many days · per 1,000 words.
Any phrase of two to four words on at least two days on each side, wherever it came from. Each line runs from how often I said it per 1,000 words in October 2025 to October 2026, on one scale; white if it grew, dim if it faded. The 12 that moved most are drawn; hover one for its counts.
Said vs. did
October, said vs. did.
Feet moving forward
What I said
What I did
October 2025
said 56 times on 19 days
What I did
31,954 steps on walks and runs
8 workouts, 309 min
October 2026
said 64 times on 20 days
What I did
70,766 steps on walks and runs
17 workouts, 684 min
Packing up
What I said
What I did
October 2025
said 68 times on 20 days
What I did
photos: 20 places, 58 things, 22 paper
October 2026
Oct 18 · 22:32 · post
If you place no value in human labor whatsoever I could see why this would feel like endless abundance.
said 48 times on 20 days
What I did
photos: 10 places, 9 things, 10 paper
The work
What I said
What I did
October 2025
said 267 times on 25 days
What I did
186 posts
photos: 36 screens
October 2026
said 185 times on 28 days
What I did
183 posts
photos: 94 screens
No one to call
What I said
What I did
October 2025
Oct 5 · 20:14 · post
That was my Xolelwa Azania moment and if you get that reference we should be best friends.
said 97 times on 21 days
What I did
355 texts sent
photos: 33 people, 2 selfies
October 2026
Oct 12 · 01:56 · post
...when I am taken away. There won't be anyone to say I didn't do anything and there must be some mistake. There won't be anyone to call to tell that I've been taken or where I'll end up, no one to reach out to once I'm there.
said 70 times on 27 days
What I did
21 texts sent
photos: 22 people, 4 selfies
Themes and their words are mine. The count is every use of those words, in my notes, Sparks and posts. A line is shown only when it was already published. What I did is counted from the watch, my records and my photos.
Steps on the walks, runs and hikes the watch recorded. Both bars are on one scale, so length is the month’s total; each segment is a week of the month (days 1–7, 8–14 and so on). The watch counts strides; a stride is two steps.
Workouts
October 2025October 2026
Walking
7× · 278 min
14× · 472 min
Strength
1× · 31 min
3× · 212 min
From my workout records. Bars are minutes, on one scale; the labels are how many times and the minutes in all.
Texts, counted
Who I was talking to.
October 2025
sent355
received466
October 2026
sent21
received86
Every text I sent and received on my phone, counted and nothing else: no names, no words. A reaction (a like or a laugh on someone else’s message) isn’t counted. One scale for both years. No record covers October 19, 2026 and October 20, 2026, so those days aren’t in the count.
